I was thinking the other day about all the things I get to do. I have an Instagram that I run around trying to take pictures for. I have a YouTube channel, (which is probably the most fun) and I run around taking video for that. Then I get to edit the video and do the voice over for it too. All the while, I get to choose what to post, what to edit and what to shoot. I have a website that I built and edit. I can even write a blog if I feel like it! I guess I'm lucky that I am part creative and part nerd, so I there isn't much that I can't do.
I know I've already mentioned I moved here from up North, but what I haven't mentioned is my mom was supposed to come with me. She had been talking about moving for years, but just never really got that ball rolling. My parents divorced when I was about 15, so my mom, like me, did what she wanted on her own terms. She had always talked about moving. She ended up in NJ since my father's job had relocated him from California to NJ. She had 2 young children and my little brother came along shortly after moving to NJ. When they split the three of us were young, so I understand why she wanted to stay put and give us a worry-free childhood.
So years went by and she still talked about moving. First she was going to go to Arizona. It was warm and inexpensive. Then it was Florida, a little north of where we are now. Once it looked like we were getting close to really moving, I asked if she wanted to come with us. She was delighted and we spent a better part of a year talking about what kind of house we would have and all the neat flowers we were going to plant.
My mother had ovarian cancer. She was diagnosed one month after my father passed away from esophageal cancer. She was quite the trooper and would drive herself to infusions and rarely complained. She was ill when I asked her to move with me and we talked about the move with her doctor. I wanted to give her something to look forward to. Yes, it did occur to me that she wasn't going to make it down here, but I never wanted to take away her hope. I wanted her to hang on and have something really wonderful to look forward to.
Less than a year from the move to Florida I moved my mother in with me up in NJ. Her health had started declining and I wanted to keep a better eye on her. Sure, I talked to her everyday, but I really wanted to make sure she was getting the best care possible. I look back on that time that and think what a wonderful gift she left me. Having those months and that extra time together was amazing.
April 2020 will be the one year anniversary of her passing, but her presence is everywhere. I know she's looking down on me, cheering me on in whatever I do. So thanks mom. Thanks for being the amazing, strong, courageous woman you were and for teaching me what strength really is. You taught me I can do anything. I miss our talks, but I know you're always with me. xoxo